Don't Live a Life Untrue

I always knew that premarital counseling was essential, but the premarital class that Lindsey and I are in has been good to me for reasons different than what I expected.  Also, to be clear, this is a class as we're in it with five other couples and not yet counseling, which should hopefully come afterward when we're paired one on one with a couple who has been married for a while.  The homework we've had to do has done a great job of straightening out my expectations.  I always assumed that since I waited a long time to get married and never rushed into anything that I'd be good and ready and mature before I got married and everything would be wonderful.  My thoughts never corresponded with real life though.  I always kind of pictured my best friend as someone who it was always amazing to be around and there were never any bad days.  This is where the illusion ends.  When you get to live with your best friends, its not that there are no bad days.  There are actually a lot more bad days.  Its just that they get to see those days and they experience them with you and they help you through them whether its by doing something marvelous for you or for just being there when you need them to be there.  This is what I'm learning most - not that I'll have to work at my marriage but what kind of work it'll be.

Do I stay or do I go now?

As I mentioned in the last post, the end of Christmas break saw me as lazy and depressed because I wasn't social or productive.  For the last several years, hiking has been one of my escapes and basically, any time I've had a week or so free, I've looked to get away and marvel in God's creation.  The biggest drawbacks to that are that 1) I live in Indiana, where decent hiking is several hours away and 2) airplane tickets are expensive, at least on a Midwestern teachers salary.  Between backpacker.com and bigroads.com, I've got a list of about 250 different awesome hikes in the states.  However, very few of them are in the midwest, but one I've been eying for a while is Zaleski state forest out in Ohio, which is about four hours away from me.  I contemplated going several times over the end of Christmas break, but didn't go.  Now, I've got Monday off and the only thing I have on Tuesday is Calc recitation so I've got the time, but its going to get really cold in the next couple of days so I think I'll save some gas and hotel money and just stay here still (possibly regretting it) but there's a chance I head out tomorrow morning at 7.

Morning edit: I did not go.  Instead, I sit here in my apartment, updating this post.  I still think I made the right decision, but I also think its a little bit irresponsible not to road trip when gas is $1.60.  I will make up for this at spring break, and after the semester ends, and for my first honeymoon, but still...

Education is so lame

Education is so lame when you bitch and you moan.  Second semester officially starts in a little less than twelve hours and I'm sure there are plenty of people not looking forward to it.  I am not one of those people.  I am very excited to be back because even though I now have significantly less time to read and work out and dream about all the trips I'm going to take, that's actually awesome because I'll still do those things and ideally I'll cut out the massive amounts of tv I've been watching.  I've had so much time on my hands and for the majority of it, I haven't been productive or overly social, especially outside of time spent with Lindsey.  Maybe its still me being too hard on myself, but this lack of productivity leads to me being mopey and honestly, a little depressed.  I'm mad at myself for just wasting time and getting fat instead of taking this time to relax and appreciate that for what it is.  There are so many of my friends who would kill for a month off over the holidays and here I am whining about it.  Yep, so be it.  For now, I'm thrilled to be getting back to school because it'll mean I'm actually doing something useful again.  In another two months, I do guarantee you that I will be ready for spring break though.  Where should I go?

How am I the lucky one?

The goals I initially tracked for 2015 were pushups, pullups, miles and having three epic life experiences.  I stopped tracking all the fitness stuff fairly early on as my body decided to break in several ways in the past year(ish).  I failed on the three epic life experiences, only getting one and a half.  It was still a pretty darn good year for me though.  I got engaged to my best friend.  I hiked all over a bunch of national parks out west with my other best friend.  I met my first niece.  I ran my second marathon and despite cramping, still finished under four hours and was able to hold off vomiting until about an hour afterward and it happened in the parking lot and not the bus so hooray for small miracles.  Julie did much better in the half marathon.  I was on hand in Cincinnati with Lisa to watch the Mets clinch the NL East.  We sat next to Daniel Murphy's cousin and wife, who annoyed us before the game started.  I explored mountains in both Virginia and Georgia.  I'm certainly not complaining.  I'm not trying to brag here either, even though it may seem like it.  One of my goals for 2016 is to better appreciate the things I already have and do less of comparing myself to others.  That should be a way I can make my life better.  Here are my other goals for 2016:

1) Get married.  Lindsey already said yes to my proposal and our venue just charged me a couple grand for a deposit so this is all good to go.

2) Buy a house.  Or a condo.  Or a townhome.  Or a really nice cardboard box somewhere to keep costs down.  What? Lindsey and I need a place to live and I haven't convinced her to move to Anderson yet and we're both teachers so we're poor.

3) Get promoted to associate professor.  My application has already been accepted so Lord willing, all that needs to occur for this to happen is for me to stay both alive and employed at AU until August.

4) Go somewhere new.  All right, this is my goal for basically every day of my life.  Lisa and I will be going to PNC Park in Pittsburgh for our new baseball stadium.  Luke and I will be going to some new national parks in May.  Lindsey and I will be going on a honeymoon hopefully somewhere new and then somewhere new and expensive (again, for us) over next winter's break.  We're also going to be going to our new  house/condo/etc.  I'd love to be able to get out to a new state.  I was able to knock off Virginia and Georgia from the list of states I haven't been to this year.  I'd love to get another one this year with a trip planned to South Carolina in 2017 for a math conference.  I'm currently at 32 (counted by memories, a couple are pretty weak) or 35 (physically been).  Most of what I need is either the Northeast or the deep South.

5) Not break myself.  I want to spend significantly under my deductible for health insurance this year.  Hitting that the past two years hasn't been fun.

I'm going to stop there.  Those are my five goals for this year, most of which are already planned.  It looks like it'll be a great year.

The problem lies in me

Yes, my posting has been minimal of late and that's a good thing.  I've always said this blog is my catharsis but now that I have Lindsey to talk to about anything and everything, I don't need this as much.

Its exam week and I'll only have grading left to do as of 10:00 tomorrow morning.  The majority of my grading is already done and that makes me happy.  However, on Sunday, I got hit with the usual exam week sickness that comes nearly every semester.  I've doubled down on zinc drops and cough and cold drugs and I've gotten in front of it primarily so I should be good.  What I wasn't really ready for was the bout of nihilism and malaise that accompanied it.  I know this belief that everything is meaningless is just bullshit, but I haven't been able to kick it for the past few days.  The malaise has accompanied that because if you search for meaning and find nothing meaningful, well, you're going to have a bad time.  Maybe I just need something to focus on or distract me for Christmas break.  I will have to prep for my new class and I am planning on studying Spanish so I don't lose that.  I'm looking into quick hiking trips even though its only been two months since Georgia.  Lindsey is going out to see her cousin over New Years (I was invited, but I'll be spending New Year's Eve and Day just watching football so I didn't want to be a buzzkill the entire time).  I may try to find something nearby in either Kentucky or Ohio or something.  Anyone have any suggestions on projects I should take up before next semester starts?

Go forth and have no fear

I know. I haven't posted in a while.  I'm not sorry about that though because its a good sign.  I've said before that this blog is my catharsis and things have been going really well so I haven't felt the need to truly vent about anything lately.

Here's the deal.  I'm about as all in on Indiana right now as I'm ever going to get.  I've got a wonderful fiancee who has the capability of turning my bad days into good ones.  I'm so thankful she's in my life and I'm greatly looking forward to marrying her and starting a life with her, even if it is in a place that's an unreasonable distance away from a decent mountain.  I've got a solid group of guys from church who started off as the core of my softball team but have now expanded to include book study guys.  Yes, we meet at the bar and discuss everything over a beer.  This makes me like them more.  My social life is getting better even if you wouldn't really be able to tell it from the number of Indiana people I'll be inviting to the wedding.  I still love my job.  Roughly a month ago, I submitted an application for promotion to associate professor which also entails a raise and ideally a little more job security, not that I have any worries whatsoever about that.  I still do occasionally check CCCU for other openings because once again, I miss mountains.  Further, the current expectation is that once I'm married, we'll be buying a house and that means I'll have put my own legit roots down somewhere for really the first time in my life.  I was tied to MSU for a while but that was always with the expectation that I would be moving on eventually.  I'm finally starting to get some of this adult stuff down.

We claim you as one of our own

I know I haven't posted in three weeks, but I promise I'm making it up to you.  Two full weeks ago, I was out in Georgia getting my hike on out in the Northern Appalachians and it was all fantastic.  Last weekend, Lindsey and I went out to Turkey Run for a night of camping before heading out for a hike.  This past weekend, I proposed and now I'm engaged.  So yeah, its a short entry, but I'd say its fairly worth it.