Maybe I'm Amazed

As soon as I finish writing this, I will be unplugging the electronics here at the house and heading up to Michigan.  In less than 40 hours, I'm getting married.  For a long, long time, I didn't actually believe this day would happen.  Lindsey's not exactly what I expected, but she's much better, because she's an actual real human being and a darn good one at that.  What I expected never really existed and if she did, chances are we wouldn't have worked because we wouldn't have worked through all the difficult times that inevitably arise.  I have no doubts whatsoever on that with Lindsey.  We are in this for the long haul and we're going to have a lot of good times.  We're going to have a bunch of bad times too but I know she loves me and I love her and we will fight through all the bad times that get thrown our way or, more likely, I cause.

I'm amazed even by how much I've come to appreciate her over the past week.  I've been living at the house now for roughly a month.  Lindsey moved all of her stuff in on Saturday before heading up to Michigan on Monday morning.  In the days before she moved in, she was spending quite a bit of time here, because who wouldn't be spending a lot of time at the house he/she owns?  In that time, I let go several of the issues I was hanging on to, most predominantly, the issue that we could be together but still do our own thing at the same time, like when she's watching TV and I'm reading and I'm totally fine and holy crap, is that a load off of my mind! Seriously, you have no idea how scared I was that this wouldn't be feasible.  As a huge introvert, yes, Lindsey is obviously allowed in my bubble, but there are times when that bubble surrounds me and me only and those times are more frequent than most people imagine.  Occasionally, people get kicked out of that simply because they've been in it too long. I just need a break from them.  I'm not trying to be mean; this is just how it works.  So yeah, figuring that out was great.  Since then though, its been three days without her and I've missed her.  Not in that pathetic "What will I ever do without my snookie-wookie sweetums?" way, but in a legitimate way where I acknowledge that things are just better in general when she's around.

I can't wait to marry her.  Yes, I'm excited.  Yes, I'm still a little terrified, but if you're not doing anything scary, you're not living.  This is going to be awesome.  This is going to be harder than anything I've done before.  Bring it on.  See you Sunday.