I just wanna have something to do

A little follow up to last night's post before anyone (my mom) starts worrying about me.  Yes, it has been a tough week but I'll get through because I've got a God watching over me that always takes care of me.  Its been a tough week since I have a high standard of the type of man I want to be and lately there's been a large gap between that standard and who I actually am.  This week, that gap was simply because I didn't put the effort in and I've been drained/exhausted and am just existing to get to the break and catch my breath and get back it.

After a period like that where I spend significantly too much time on my couch, I start to worry that I'm a boring person, especially after I skipped a party last night so I could go to a movie by myself (Dumb and Dumber To - I'm not ashamed, but I probably should be).  Then I remember all the highlights of my summer including 1) A pretty awesome week of hiking out in Utah with my best friend which included the iconic Angel's Landing hike and the hike up to Observation Point which looks down on Angel's Landing and laughs.  There were also those few moments of panic as we nearly got lost in Canyonlands, 2) exploring underneath the Earth as I got to hike through parts of Mammoth Cave and have my interest in triathlons rekindled by a gay Jewish firefighter from Birmingham named Dakota, 3) an incredibly emotional week where I buried my grandfather and was a bridesman for my sister's wedding, all in the span of three days, 4) catching up with both high school friends and grad school friends as I made my way back to my hometown for the first time in 10 years, 5) having one girl have to tell another girl to stop jumping on my bed without pants on because that isn't nice, 6) nearly being caught on an open rock face during the middle of a thunderstorm that was actually accompanied by a tornado warning and 7) driving out to Kansas City to catch a baseball game with Lisa so we could keep a tradition alive which also included getting barbecue at a place Anthony Bourdain listed on his list of 12 places where you need to eat, driving to the high point in Missouri where I attempted hiking only to actually be caught in a downpour but also getting an email from my uncle which introduced me to the awesome girl I've been dating for the past several months.  That weekend also included a quick stop to go up the St. Louis Arch for the first time in many years and was also when I learned my grandfather died.  So yeah, I'm not really worried about the boring thing.

Not very pretty but we sure know how to run things

Say a prayer for me tonight.  Yes, I know how to run things but it doesn't mean I'm actually doing it.  Its just been a rough week and I could use a little bit of a reset and this upcoming Thanksgiving break and the inevitable Christmas break will be much needed except that I can feel the standard end of semester massive cold coming on.  I just need to get back to basics on doing the things that I need to do to make myself happy.

Have I got a long way to run

Thursday night was the first snow of this winter and it was significantly too early.  Thursday morning was my first run in freezing weather.  Predictably, I was cold and slow and with a few dogs being out and about, it was fairly miserable, especially in the first mile and a half before my hands went dumb.  It may have also been the best thing for me.  Allow me to explain.  Going back to college, but more pronounced in grad school, I had noticed that I would regularly become depressed for a week or two each year, frequently during the beginning of winter.  It happened enough that I considered getting checked for SAD but since it wasn't an always thing and only lasted for a week, I never did.  I really appreciate being outside though and having the opportunity to go out and just do stuff, so when it turns cold and dreary and miserable, I'm no longer motivated to do that.  I had a roommate in grad school who could spend three or four days in the apartment without leaving for anything.  More power to him but that sounds horrendous to me.  Once every couple of months, if its bitterly cold or just pouring down rain, I'll stay inside all day.  By the time it gets to be around dinner, I start to go stir crazy, more because I feel like I don't have the option of getting out.  Straight up, I need to get out and just be active.

Things started to change in 2008 when Julie ran her first 5k.  I am only a runner because Julie is a runner.  In 2009, I ran the 10k in the River Bank Run with her and I had to train for it throughout the winter because while I considered myself an athlete, I wasn't a runner.  Every year since then, I have had a race of at least 15 miles for each spring that I had to train throughout the winter for.  It forces me to get outside and to exercise since I can't not train and treadmills and I don't have a good relationship.  To recap though, 2009 was the RBR 10k, 2010 was the RBR 25k, 2011 was the Lakefront Ultra 50k when I really became a distance runner, 2012 was the RBR 25k (again), 2013 was the Lakefront Ultra 50k (again), this past year was the Indy Mini (Half-marathon), and next May will be the Flying Pig Marathon out in Cincinnati.  I don't know if this has been my saving grace from struggling through the winter even more, but it certainly hasn't hurt.  Just to let you know, I went through an 8 miler this morning where it was even colder, yet it was still beautiful.

I'm gonna relax like everybody should

One of the best things about growing up is learning who you are and becoming comfortable with that.  I can say without hesitation now that I am an introvert.  In high school/college, I always had these ideas that what the cool kids liked best was going out to these big parties where you have the opportunity to meet all of these new people.  I wasn't cool enough to get invited to anything like that anyway, but that was never something I enjoyed.  I hate small talk.  I am bad at it and just straight up don't enjoy it.  I would love to have a meaningful conversation to you but mindless banter straight up drains me.  Do I want to go to a large party where I don't know anyone?  Absolutely not; I'd rather stay in and do nothing.  Do I want to go to a large party where I know practically no one but I'm going with my girlfriend who is sensitive to this and sticks by me because she knows these types of things about me?  Sure, why not? This gives me the chance to get to know a few of the people she knows and likes.  Do I want to go to a small party with Lindsey and a few of these friends she has introduced me to? Definitely.  It is a little less fun though when the majority of those people are cheering for Ohio State and MSU craps the bed and now I'm getting trash talked by the host who is half my size.  I'm in an introvert but I still need to spend some time with other people.  I just want to do it a few people at a time and on my own terms.

What you want me to say?

A quick update on October.  There have been a lot of other possible posts brewing, but nothing substantial as of yet that I feel the need to get out.

1) Work harder - Same story as before.  I've been in the gym every MWF morning no later than 6:30 so I'm looking a little bigger, but running has been terrible.  I put in less than 20 miles for all of October and this needs to get better and fast which will be an issue as it gets cold.  Work for AU has been fine and its gotten busy but not with anything out of the normal.

2) Play harder - In any of the usual ways, no.  In my newfangled socialite ways, sure.  This is what happens when you date an extrovert; you go to parties and its fun but its totally draining.  I did get out to Turkey Run with Lindsey and a few others though.

3) Travel more - Outside of that trip to Turkey Run, all I had was a quick trip up to Chicago to present a math talk at Trinity.  November will bring the trip home for Thanksgiving, but very likely nothing more.

4) Read more - I finished off Robert Ressler's Whoever Fights Monsters, Jeff Vandermeer's Annihilation and Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl.  They were definitely some interesting reads with some interesting characters.

5) Drink better beer - Finally, a goal I succeeded in for the month.  I finally ended that case of Red Rye IPA as well as going through a few Union Jack IPAs from Firestone Walker.  The much more interesting day though was the game day I had with Lindsey and her friends Tim and Zach who are both beer nerds.  I can't recall half of the stuff we drank (all singles), but the most enjoyable one for me was Funky Gold Mosaic.