Breathe with me

I had a plan.  Last summer, I had a plan.  I was doing well financially and through a combination of things, I've been able to save/pay off debt roughly a quarter of my pre-tax salary while I've been out here.  I had about five grand left in student loan debt and my monthly payment was around $80.  Instead, I paid off all of it in six months and the plan was then to save up so I could make a 10-15% down payment on a house this summer.  I'd teach an extra class in the spring and a class or two in the summer and I'd do just as well, if not better, and I'd still have plenty of money for travel.  The first part of the plan went well.  I made it through December and became debt free.  Then everything kind of went to crap.  I had my trip to the ER which is going to run me a little over $2500 because hooray for a high deductible plan.  I really wish I had a sarcasm font.  This year, I should probably have my doctor refer me to a GI specialist so I can figure out what's causing my esophagitis.  Earlier this week, I got an EOB for my dentist visit and I'm not sure if this is correct, but its telling me I owe another $300+.  My car's engine decided to get loud about a month ago.  Its not running rough, but it certainly sounds like something's not right so I need to bring that in and see if something is wrong and I can't imagine that doesn't run me at least a couple of hundred bucks.  I know, this all could be worse, and I hate complaining, but this isn't how it was supposed to go.  I've prayed for financial well-being and maybe this is God's way of telling me to stop worrying about this and to just let him handle it instead of trying to deal with it all myself.  This may just be another of God's reminders that His plan is always better than mine.  I might not meant to be here forever.  Perhaps I am and I find a great deal on a house and everything works out as I hoped; perhaps nothing works out with Lindsey and the community out here doesn't develop and I leave next summer and move to California; perhaps everything works out with Lindsey and her call becomes incredibly clear and we move out to West Africa.  Who knows?  I need to keep myself open to God's plan instead of focusing on mine.  Its just that everything has gotten a little overwhelming since while I am very good with money, I do worry about it too often.  It doesn't help that all of this gets to me and I can see some of my traveling going by the wayside.  The trip out to the Northeast might be off already (possibly replaced) and my spring break hiking trip might be next, depending on my car's diagnosis.  The Northeast camping trip being canceled though does mean I will be at the cabin and Mom will still love me so that might not be a bad thing.  I apologize for this sounding whiny, but its just something that's been weighing on me for the past few weeks and blogging about it hopefully helps me let go and stop worrying.  All I can do is try to stop worrying, give it all up to God, take a few deep breaths and just relax and know that I'll be taken care of no matter what happens.  This feeling that I don't have any of my shit together whatsoever will pass soon enough.