Shots fired into the sky are now returning; where .. will you hide?

Alternate title: Still can be great, part two.

As literature nerds (no, I'm not good enough to be one) know everywhere, East of Eden is a retelling of the story of Cain and Abel while the actual biblical account plays into the story quite a bit.  This has been relevant for me since there has been some discussion of greatness in the story and based on my previous posts, its something I've wrestled with lately as well.  One of the excerpts includes comparing the King James version of Genesis 4 versus the American Standard version.  The Chinese character, aptly named Lee, picks up on one main difference in verse 7, namely the wording of "Thou shalt rule over him (sin)" versus "but do thou rule over it".  This encourages him to go back and study the actual Hebrew script to see why this ambiguity and difference of meaning exists.  When he does this, the actual interpretation he finds is, instead of Thou shalt or do Thou is actually Thou mayest, leading him to say,

"Now, there are many millions in their sects and churches who feel the order, 'Do thou', and throw their weight into obedience. And there are millions more who feel predestination in 'Thou shalt.' Nothing they may do can interfere with what will be. But 'Thou mayest'! Why, that makes a man great, that gives him stature with the gods, for in his weakness and his filth and his murder of his brother he has still the great choice. He can choose his course and fight it through and win."

And further on,

"And I feel that I am a man. And I feel that a man is a very important thing - maybe more important than a star.  This is not theology. I have no bent towards gods. But I have a new love for that glittering instrument, the human soul.  It is a lovely and unique thing in the universe.  It is always attacked and never destroyed - because 'Thou mayest'."

I'm not going to claim this is anything overly special as its just a posturing of free will over predestination.  However, this is something I desperately needed to read after this week, since I've been struggling through idleness.  As a man, greatness is not something you can grasp or embody.  However, greatness does come through choice.  If I want to be happy or great or whatever, I can't depend on anyone else for that.  That can only come to me through Christ in myself, but with that, there still needs to be action on my part.  Instead of lazing around the apartment in the morning and just not doing anything, I need to make the conscious decision to be disciplined and run from temptation and to make myself the person I want to be.  I've thought about this a lot recently in terms of other people and what I want to tell them, but its hit me hard recently as I wallow in my own filth (not literally).  Instead of looking at others, I need to take care of myself first and make sure things are okay with me.

There is more to this still though.  Greatness does not come easily or grant ease of life.  To quote from earlier in the book,

"“It's because I haven't courage,' said Samuel. 'I could never quite take the responsibility. When the Lord God did not call my name, I might have called his name - but I did not. There you have the difference between greatness and mediocrity. It's not an uncommon disease. But it's nice for a mediocre man to know that greatness must be the loneliest state in the world.'

'I'd think there are degrees of greatness,' Adam said.

'I don't think so,' said Samuel. 'That would be like saying there is a little bigness. No. I believe when you come to that responsibility the hugeness and you are alone to make your choice. On one side you have warmth and companionship and sweet understanding, and on the other - cold, lonely greatness. There you make your choice. I'm glad I chose mediocrity, but how am I to say what reward might have come with the other? None of my children will be great either, except perhaps Tom. He's suffering over the choosing right now. It's a painful thing to watch. And somewhere in me I want him to say yes. Isn't that strange? A father to want his son condemned to greatness! What selfishness that must be.”"

Have I made my choice?  I don't know.  In some things, such as math, I know I've chosen mediocrity as I couldn't handle the loneliness of greatness in those things.  But for life as a whole, I can't say.  Get back to me when I'm on my deathbed and I'll let you know.