Originally, this was going to be a post about the one month anniversary of my beard but through some logical steps in thought, this is instead going to be a post about platonic friendships. Don't lie, you know your mind works in ways that are just as strange.
Fairly soon, my sister will be getting married and along with my other sisters, I will be standing up for her. I think this is awesome as it shows just how much family means to her. Further though, I think this is a great idea compared to some weddings I've been to where the bride and groom each have 7+ attendants, all of whom are the same sex. Its ridiculous to think that being in a relationship precludes you from befriending anyone else of the opposite gender other than your significant other. I have no idea what the comparable equivalent is for same sex couples but now I'm curious about it.
A little more background on my own dealings should help enlighten my position on this. Growing up, I was confident, but it was always in who I was intellectually and athletically, but never in my physical appearance. I never thought I was ugly, but I certainly didn't consider myself anything more than average at best. This was mostly due to the fact that with a few exceptions, girls simply didn't pay me any attention. Honestly, its not too hard to blame them. I didn't have the warmest personality, was fairly naive and my fashion sense was, uh, lacking amongst other things. Changing friends at the start of high school helped a lot as I now surrounded myself with people who were socially accomplished and aware. However, with an exception or two, the 'cool' girls once again ignored me, choosing not to change their perception of me.
Things changed when I left for Trinity. It was a fresh start for me and I could be whoever I wanted to be as only a handful of people had ever met me before. Once I had established a group of friends, I started realizing that I was actually receiving attention from women. Admittedly, it actually took me a little while to realize that that's what it was just because I was so unused to it. This was a totally different feeling and it was fantastic because it hadn't really happened for me before. Now, I had more of a reason to be confidence; I just needed to sack up and get the courage to do something about it. Until then though, I really just enjoyed being able to flirt with those around me and have it be welcomed. Once I started dating Lisa, I didn't really stop that and bless her heart, she put up with it all fairly well and gave me more leeway with it than I probably deserved. This has continued to this day and I'm willing to flirt with literally almost anyone. At the risk of sounding stereotypical, I enjoy being around middle aged black women for this reason as they are not ashamed to flirt right back with you and they will make you smile and make your day. I love to flirt just because I still take it as a compliment when a woman willingly lets me know she's attracted to me.
The first time this really presented a problem for me though was when I was dating Kim, but I was in Chicago and went to go catch up with Tara. I had earlier admitted to Kim that I found Tara attractive because, well, she is and I did. Kim didn't like me hanging out with Tara and basically told me that she didn't trust the situation and would prefer me not to do it in the future. Some of you may be out there agreeing that I need to cater to my girlfriend and avoid situations like this to help her feel secure. I hear your point but I offer three rebuttal points. 1) At that point, I had known Tara for five years longer than I knew Kim. 2) Tara was married and had kids at this point. 3) I like Tara's husband and in 2007, he could've stomped me in a fight. The point is that absolutely nothing was going to happen. I know to never tell a woman she's over-reacting, but Kim was over-reacting, especially considering my complete and utter lack of indiscretions at that point. (And honestly, still to this day, there are very few.) By that point in time, I had certainly earned at least the modicum of trust required to believe that I could hang out with an old married friend without having to worry about what was happening simply because said friend is pretty. So yeah, I don't get it. Nothing tells your significant other 'I trust you' like telling them they can't get to know half the population. I bring up this idea of opposite sex friendships really early with potential girlfriends because I'm never giving up Heather or Steph and if I head back to State in the next year, I'll likely be staying with Coop and if I head back to GR, I frequently grab a beer with Brooke, even though she's the only student to ever ask me out (so far). I will gladly introduce you to them and invite you along to anything we do, but these are people I care about too much to let go.
On a similar line, I don't get why people assume they can never be friends with an ex. I very much get it if there's a bad breakup or if the relationship ends because you simply don't like the person any more. However, if it ends for other reasons such as irreconcilable differences of opinions on meaningful matters or that you're an immature jackass who isn't ready to commit (*cough* me at 19 *cough*), you should at least still have the option of being friends. You obviously liked the person enough to date them and consider a future so if things didn't turn out badly, why would you get rid of the person completely just because there's some history between the two of you? If you think its going to be awkward with future suitors, just be transparent about it and keep things out in the open and if that's not good enough, talk it out and see where it goes. All this said, I don't really consider myself friends with any exes. Kim and Carolyn fall into the obvious reason category. I still have tremendous respect for Lisa, but we're not better friends because I screwed that up completely after I ended the relationship. I take full responsibility for that one. I can't comment yet on Krista or Tori because I honestly don't know how that will go. There simply needs to be more time before I could say anything for sure.
To bring this all back around, my beard is awesome. Unfortunately, it will become redder and redder as the summer goes on and I just hope it doesn't get too bad before the wedding. When that happens, I turn it into mutton chops and then my friends call me Seamus. Thanks Bob.
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